i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
