If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
