And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
