I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
