I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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