I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
