Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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