I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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