There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
