this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
