I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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