Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
