You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
