Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You made out with two different species that night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
