my sisters under your porch take her home
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
