so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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