I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
