4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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