I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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