oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
