Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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