yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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