I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
