There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
