Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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