so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
