there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
