we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
