My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
