I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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