So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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