I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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