last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
