The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
