If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
