Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
