Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
