I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
