Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
