he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
