Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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