If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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