I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
where are my eyebrows?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
