Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
