NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
