i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
