I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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