Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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