I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
