Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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