my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
