Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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