R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
