Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
