well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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