Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
