my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
