oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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