You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
