Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
