Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
